Dear you..

Dear you,

I am so happy you are doing well up to today. I can see your improvement in few things in your life from time to time. Especially from the time when you are so down and almost give up on your studies.

I wanted to tell you that to have you doing internship in the same company as where I'm working is the most happy feeling that I have. Do you know why? Because I can meet you almost everyday, I can have lunch with you, I can help you in few things, I can see your fatigue and happy faces after work, I can see your hardship and being discipline worker, I can see your effort to learn things and all is I can see you standing and smiling when we are about to disperse in front of the lift to go back our own office :)

I can feel I am so happy even though I know that there are possibilities that I cannot have you (I don't want to think thou). To be honest I am putting a very very very high hope on you for my future. But, only Allah knows what best for us. Hurmm.... I am so afraid to ask you again about us, I don't know when the time is suitable for us to talk, I am afraid that you are again rejecting me. I know I cannot push you, but I am everyday pray for the best and hope that Allah will guide my heart for the right things.

For time being, I wanted to be the only person that you will see whenever you feel happy and sad. I wanted to be your more than a best friend supposed to be. I wanted you to know that I cannot lose you unless I will lose my own self (okay, ni macam bunyi over haha but betul la kan huhu)

I am so afraid of what coming next.

But I know He has plans for us. The best one. Allahu..

Ok, good night :)

The problem is me

Salam 5 Ramadhan :)

Dah Jun 2015, how time flies. Currently tengah sem ketiga, nak completekan first year aku. Uuuu tak sangka, but sem ni sebenarnya kena struggle lebih sebab nak baiki pointer. Skrg cam 2.9+ and all I need is to make it 3 sebab minimum requirement for masters is 3. Please, doakan aku k. Cuak jugak sebab subjek semakin susah. Setiap kali ngadu kat mama, mesti mama cakap: "tu kan pilihan Fatin, jadi jangan mengeluh la..face it" hihi betul la tu :p

But the problem is aku ni:

1. Asyik tangguh kerja sampai last minit T_T

2. Buat kerja halai balai asal siap -__-

3. Tak buat revision dah study apa ja

So what do you expect to score? :[

Ok ok mulai saat lepas taip post ni, aku berubah inshaaAllah! 

Chaiyyokkkkkkk!

Home

I am home today after a while. 

Semalam berkesempatan mandi sungai and pagi nih berjaya tawan bukit Tabur. Alhamdulillah allah yg izinkan.

Aku azam cuti 2 minggu nih aku nak fokus kerja. Kerja berkualiti dan efisyen. Bukan guna tenaga lebih pikir lebih melampau sekali tak berguna. Must be smart. And bos cakap aku kena ubah perangai blur dan kena fokus. Hmm 

Satu lagi dok umah nih aku kalau boleh nak cuba sedaya upaya jauh kejap dari dia. Pause lah kejap biar dia fokus program dia dan all projects final sem nih. N aku taktau la decision aku sibuk dok kalut post gambaq kami dah kenapa. Gigih hmm but aku just suka heh😳

Ok lah..hopefully life would be more happier and meaningful after this. Fokus family fokus kerja fokus aktiviti😁 inshaaAllah akan bermakna dan diredhai Allah☺️

Offer

Harini aku dapat offer transfer kerja ke MMU bahagian kaunselling student. Am not that too into but keen to learn new things.

Tapi sayang tm lebih drp kena keluar ke sub.

Haih moga Allah bagi petunjuk😕

Ingat Fatin..

I am so happy. Just happy like the other girls do. Happy like I should :)

Senarnya happy bila dapat jumpa someone. Even though I can see the difference skang and aku pun tak tahu kenapa. Bila jumpa dan tengok muka, terus rasa lega, lupa yang aku tengah stress.

Ok, over tapi betul.

Aku pun taktau cana nak cakap, tapi skang ni apa aku rasa, aku cam down sedih sikit dia cam dingin, tak berapa nak sharing masalah ke apa. Ada je borak, if masalah pun pasal bebudak band. Memula aku rasa cam, dia dah cam ada tendency nak ignore, avoid aku. Taktau apa masalah aku dah buat dia annoyed :'( Tapi, lepas pikir balik..takpelah, maybe dia pun tengah kusut pikir diri sendiri, kerja, kelas, assignment and fyp.. Maybe perasaan aku je lebih, pompuan kan emo haha

Aku rasa kena dengar nasihat mama, Zakwan dan Intan. Bagi ruang kat dia, jgn ganggu..about 2-3 weeks, mama kata let him be, jgn kejar, tengok apa respon dia. Kalau dia rasa ada kehilangan dia cari, kalau tak, maybe aku kena bersedia..Intan pun kata kan, tunggu berapa bulan ja lagi, biar dia setel semua, nanti intern mesti dia cari.

Sabar lah fatin...lama dah hang sabar..takkan ni pun takleh tahan kejap. Jangan sibuk nak question dia la ni..ingat, dia tengah macam-macam dalam kepala otak dok pikir tuh. Kalau salah masa bertanya, jangan sampai nanti dia jauhkan diri terus. Ingat jugak, dia selama nih ok je kan. Layan dan respon ok kan, theres must be something dalam kepala dia tuh. Rileks, biarkan dia, bagi masa dan ruang dulu k......tak lari mana.

Just kena selalu prepare diri kekuatan tuh dalaman luaran, kalau dia betul bukan hak hang, terima dengan hati terbukak. Akan ada yang lebih baik..Allah kan dah janji tuh..rileks la. Enjoy la life nih, esok lusa maybe ajal. Berharap Allah tunjuk jalan yang terbaik. Sampai skang, aku still aku, yang belum boleh hilang dia. Maybe cam loser sikit, but it is reality. Sorry

Ya Allah, bagilah aku petunjuk....

:'(

Aku terlalu letih..

1 Disember

Permulaan Disember yg suram. Aku hilang keyakinan nak teruskan master. Malam tadinye exam aku fail takleh jawab, rasa kosong tengok soalan paper exam. Balik exam terus tidur dan pagi ni keluar jugak air mata. Tak tahan.

Call mama dan luahkan. Mama kata aku culture shock dan study last minit. Tapi aku rasa aku yg problem..rasa bodoh. Tak reti bahagi masa, bahagi kerja, bahagi tenaga, tak reti fokus..

Allah...bantulah aku tunjukkan aku jalan...apa yg terbaik buatku..